The Adventures of Cowman: March 2012

Greetings you constant comrades of Cowman!  Howdy you breathless bovine buffs!

Howya doin' you faithful fans of our fearless friend?!

Okay...maybe Cowman isn't entirely fearless and maybe you're not a loyal fan

and/or friend of Cowman.  The guy hasn't been around all that long...still kinda

new to the game...still has lots of holes to punch on his time card.  And I know

what you're thinking.  Does the superhero community still use those old style

time cards with a hole punch?  The answer is: yes...yes they do.  Utility belts

don't come cheap folks, these guys have to cut costs where they can.

If you're new to 'The Adventures of Cowman' fear not!  All of those adventures

are still here to catch up on, but if you're not into back issues and wanna get

the skinny on what's been going on before you make Cowman part of your twice

weekly routine along with coffee and the toilet then here's the story so far.

And I know what you're thinking again.  Did I just use the expression 'the skinny'

like a 1950's soda jerk?  The answer is: yes...yes I did.  I don't have a reason

for that one though.  This is just the important stuff guys, you'll need to read

the comics for all the nitty gritty...but otherwise beware of spoilers ahead.

Our story began not with Cowman, but with his slightly younger and significantly

dorkier alter ego, Herman Marvin.  Herman was on a field trip at a local farm

that had recently fallen victim to some chemical contamination, when he was bit

by a radioactive cow.  The incident imbued Herman Marvin with the powers of the

cow and forever changed his life.  Now as Cowman he stands up for truth, justice

and the farmland way.  Don't know what the farmland way is?  Ask someone other

than Cowman,cuz he doesn't know either.  Cowman divides his time between fighting

crime in Pig Knuckle County and hanging out at his favourite watering hole, The

Grass Hut with his buddies, Farmer Budd, Micheal Burkowitz, Milkman Stu and the

owner and bartender of The Grass Hut, Ted Kahananui.  The bunch of them spend

hours talking about everything random, and when they're not available Cowman

hangs with the local wildlife, the other cows, the pigs, the chickens...he

doesn't discriminate.

To help kick off his newfangled crime fighting career, Cowman dropped in on

Detective Gloria Chick while at the crime scene of a mysterious murder in which

the victim was found with an unproduced screenplay crammed down his throat.

Detective Chick, not really a fan of Cowman, humoured his interest in the crime

but was generally uninviting to his help.  Cowman wasn't about to let that stop

him though. He asked her out anyway.  She said no.  Awkward.

Homicide detective Cowman is not however, and his crime time had to be divided.

He answered a call to help at a local china shop where he had his first serious

showdown with a new villain in town known as Bullzerk.  Big, mean, red, half

human, half bull, Bullzerk was a science experiment gone bad.  His fight went

bad too when he accidentally bit his tongue and called the fight off, maybe to

return again.

The next serial victim was found a top a pile of bootlegged DVD's but Cowman's

involvement in the investigation was again kept brief.  Near by a jug of milk

reached it's expiry date and went bad, attacking and killing people across the

country side until Cowman interceded and made short work of it with a blender.

A stint of bad luck and unfortunate circumstances followed.  Cowman was bit by a

Mad Cow...which ultimately wasn't all that bad but I mean come on, being bit by

a cow isn't usually a good thing.  The radioactive one was an extenuating

circumstance. He also bumped into a cow named Bessy who once licked him and

things just got awkward.  Then to top it all off he was kidnapped by an insane

fast food enthusiast who wanted to BBQ him as consolation for being banned from

all major fast food chains. Another murder victim was discovered with a pair of

3D glasses welded to his face and Cowman had to deal with a hangover from a rough

night of hard drinking and an encounter with Bessy.

Things took a turn though when the last serial victim was found with the word

'FRANCHISE' stamped onto his forehead.  Stumped and frustrated, Detective Chick

came with Cowman to The Grass Hut where she met Micheal Burkowitz and immediately

pegged him as the mysterious serial killer they'd been hunting.  Burkowitz took

Detective Chick hostage and after a hot pursuit and a brief battle Cowman brought

the killer to justice, earning an even briefer moment of respect from Chick.  And

now you know the rest of the story.

New Cowman comics upload every Tuesday and Thursday.

Thursday, 29 March 2012