Wednesday, 12 June 2013

The Story So Far...Again.

Greetings Cowfans!  Are you new to the adventures of the Better Braver Buttered and Basted Babbler of Bovine Bombasity?  Fear not!  Cuz for the second time since our fearless Cowleader started I'm bringing you a recap of the adventures to date.  When I last recapped this Magnificent Marinated Material I covered Cowman #1 to Cowman #38.  And if you'd like to read that go ahead now and check it out here.  But a lot's happened since then you seekers of justice.  If you want all the nitty gritty of what all that is you're gonna need to go back on this here website to read the comics, but if you want a quick recap or a refresher than read on right now!  Cuz I'm about to recap Cowman #39 all the way to Cowman #164.  That's right!  So here we go!

After discovering the true identity of the local 'Hollywood' killer and bringing him to justice Cowman thought he'd relax at his favourite watering hole, the Grass Hut.  But the relaxation was cut short when the subject turned to the fabled 'Where's The Beef' lady.  Cowman vowed to discover whatever happened to that lady and thus a new quest was born.

A few days later while staying late at the Grass Hut, Lon Cherry stumbled into the bar drenched in sweat and warning of the impending doom they were all in.  It seems that after once being bitten by a hideous beast he is cursed to transform into the hideous Werefish at every full moon.

In the hopes that Detective Gloria Chick can help him locate the 'Where's the Beef' lady, Cowman looks for her at the Pigknuckle Police Station where he finally meets Commissioner Jirk for the first time and is unfortunately brought down a peg by his indignation towards caped crusaders.  Cowman's quest is further distracted by a minor lawsuit that finds him on court TV and is later dragged to a gun show by his friend, Budd Farmer.  He's enamored with the artillery only briefly before an accident destroys his brief new image. A star struck trip to the bathroom, an awkward blind date, and an accidental botching of a police stakeout later and Cowman comes face to face with Pigknuckle's newest cat burglar, Foxy Lady, who ultimately escapes but not without a little flirting in our hero's direction.

After a brief but intense fight with the sniffles things heat up again when the zombified corpse of Mrs. O'Leary and her cow, the culprits behind the great Chicago fire of 1871, rises from the grave and want to start a new fire to rival all fires in the heart of Pigknuckle.  Cowman comes to the city's rescue but just in time.

After some nostalgic reflecting on his days as a highschool nerd and the bully that picked on him, Cowman is met with another challenge when an explosion at a factory produces the monstrous half man, half skunk, Man-Skunk.  The battle is fierce but a passing truck full of tomato juice aids in the creature's defeat.  Cowman has his moment in the spotlight after the triumph over the beast when he's interviewed by TV news reporter, Linda Sleeparound.  But the interview doesn't go as our hero would like and the spotlight, as it turns out, doesn't cast him in the best light.

Cowman gets another shot at capturing Foxy Lady when he spots her robbing a chicken restaurant but she once again gets the better of him and escapes.  Cowman's distress over the loss is short lived though as he soon after stumbles on a hippie colony and his intent to call the authorities on their horticultural habits comes to an end when Toker Grace and the other hippies persuade him to partake.  Meanwhile, mad scientist Dr. Quixley figures out a way to genetically engineer sheep that produce steel wool.  Unfortunately Rusty, the one ram in the pack, grows intelligent and sets out to wreck havoc.  Cowman intercedes and thanks to Rusty's inability to hold and operate a gun with his hooves, manages to be victorious.  As what would almost seem a reward for his recent bravery Cowman takes a temp job filling in for his friend, Milkman Stu on his milk route while he's out of town.  The route is occupied primarily by lonely and desperate divorcees who are used to Stu's company and more than willing to give new blood a go...but the experience isn't quite the odyssey Cowman was hoping for.  Cowman is then targeted by a man known only as 'The Assassin,' who was hired by the morbidly obese billionaire known as 'The Employer,' who not unlike some other members of Cowman's rogues gallery was interested in him with a pinch of salt.  With the Assassin alluded and the Employer given a stern talking to Cowman might've been able to rest, if not for the rampaging motorcycle gang known as The Aurochs that rolled into town to cause some semi-annual wreckage.  Cowman makes short work of them and his friend, Budd Farmer is abducted by aliens.  No biggie.

Finally after many distractions and failed attempts at research, Cowman receives a letter from a woman in Chicago claiming to be the 'Where's the Beef' lady so he sets off for the windy city to find her.  When he gets there he discovers that the woman was actually his teenaged number one fan, Sally Chopra.  His most recent failure just about sinks him into a deep depression until Sally says she did some research and really did find the 'Where's the Beef' lady.  Cowman pays Clara 'Where's the Beef' Peller a visit at her grave in Chicago.

Shortly after returning to Pigknuckle, the aliens return Budd Farmer and abduct Cowman instead.  Cowman is put through a battery of tests for the aliens' research but when he's placed in a room with a woman so they may observe his mating habits he is deemed 'inadequate' and sent back to Earth.

After crunching some numbers and realizing the money from the lawsuit over his cow bite was drying up Cowman realizes he needs a job.  He tries stand up comedy and pulling a plow but ultimately ends up with a job at the counter of the fast food joint, Greasy Burger.  Meanwhile cows begin getting slaughtered on the side of the road and Gloria Chick determines they have another serial killer on their hands.

Cowman comes face to face with Foxy Lady again and this times manages to catch her but she seduces him into letting her go.  A decision that wracks him with guilt.  Cowman is attacked by the Fast Food Nut as he gets off his shift at the Greasy Burger and suspects that he might be responsible for the slaughtered cows on the road, but after his capture another cow is murdered.  The killer is still at large.  Cowman then stops a racoon themed bank robber known as Nature's Bandit whose ineptitude makes him easy to take down, but Cowman's attempt to impress Linda Sleeparound and cleanup his image backfires and Nature's Bandit manages to escape.  If that weren't bad enough, Cowman gets evicted from his barn.

The meat truck murderer strikes again, but this time the cow is mechanical and the whole operation is a sting.  The plan turns into a high speed pursuit with Cowman clinging to the roof of the meat truck until an intense highway crash pits Cowman mano a mano against the Butcher.  Cowman triumphantly defeats the butcher, but now he's officially homeless.  Cowman goes shopping for a trailer to move into but the real estate agent thinks he should buy a house.  When he argues the point she reveals herself to not be just any ordinary realtor but The Realor (pronounced Real-TORE) and a battle wages between them, a battle of strength and wits.  Cowman almost fails and buys a house but with one last effort manages to hold her sales license hostage until she sells him a trailer which he promptly moves into.

Cowman soon gets jury duty and almost hangs the jury when he insists the obviously guilty party might in fact be innocent.  The other jurors gang up on him and force him to vote guilty...but he's still not entirely convinced.  Cowman later meets the Cattleman, an escaped mental patient/former cattleman who attempts to wrangle him until he eventually has no choice but to stop him by force.  Possibly even crazier than the Cattleman, Cowman then meets the Environmentalist who's trying to spread the word for mother nature with less than cool methods.  Cowman is eventually captured and taken to his hideout inside a huge redwood tree.  The Environmentalist has developed a ray gun that will kill all cows because he believes the methane from their flatulence is destroying the ozone layer.  Cowman manages to escape and bring his plans to an end.

After failing his driving test Cowman tracks Bullzerk to a local theater company and defeats him before he can do much damage.  Grateful for his help, Dante Stuffington, the theater's director offers him a role in their upcoming play, 'Waiting for Gottfried,' which combines the classic play 'Waiting for Godot' with the comic stylings of Gilbert Gottfried.  Cowman agrees to take on the role and proceeds with rehearsals.  On opening night the play seems to go alright but a pesky critic named Jean Challet stands up and belittles it.  Cowman, wearing his heart on his sleeve, attacks him and the play ends with a battered theatre critic at his feet.