Sunday, 25 March 2012

The Story So Far

Greetings you constant comrades of Cowman!  Howdy you breathless bovine buffs! 
Howya doin' you faithful fans of our fearless friend?!

Okay...maybe Cowman isn't entirely fearless and maybe you're not a loyal fan 
and/or friend of Cowman.  The guy hasn't been around all that long...still kinda 
new to the game...still has lots of holes to punch on his time card.  And I know 
what you're thinking.  Does the superhero community still use those old style 
time cards with a hole punch?  The answer is: yes...yes they do.  Utility belts 
don't come cheap folks, these guys have to cut costs where they can. 
If you're new to 'The Adventures of Cowman' fear not!  All of those adventures 
are still here to catch up on, but if you're not into back issues and wanna get 
the skinny on what's been going on before you make Cowman part of your twice 
weekly routine along with coffee and the toilet then here's the story so far. 
And I know what you're thinking again.  Did I just use the expression 'the skinny' 
like a 1950's soda jerk?  The answer is: yes...yes I did.  I don't have a reason 
for that one though.  This is just the important stuff guys, you'll need to read 
the comics for all the nitty gritty...but otherwise beware of spoilers ahead.
Our story began not with Cowman, but with his slightly younger and significantly 
dorkier alter ego, Herman Marvin.  Herman was on a field trip at a local farm 
that had recently fallen victim to some chemical contamination, when he was bit 
by a radioactive cow.  The incident imbued Herman Marvin with the powers of the 
cow and forever changed his life.  Now as Cowman he stands up for truth, justice 
and the farmland way.  Don't know what the farmland way is?  Ask someone other 
than Cowman,cuz he doesn't know either.  Cowman divides his time between fighting 
crime in Pig Knuckle County and hanging out at his favourite watering hole, The 
Grass Hut with his buddies, Farmer Budd, Micheal Burkowitz, Milkman Stu and the 
owner and bartender of The Grass Hut, Ted Kahananui.  The bunch of them spend 
hours talking about everything random, and when they're not available Cowman 
hangs with the local wildlife, the other cows, the pigs, the chickens...he 
doesn't discriminate.
To help kick off his newfangled crime fighting career, Cowman dropped in on 
Detective Gloria Chick while at the crime scene of a mysterious murder in which 
the victim was found with an unproduced screenplay crammed down his throat. 
Detective Chick, not really a fan of Cowman, humoured his interest in the crime 
but was generally uninviting to his help.  Cowman wasn't about to let that stop 
him though. He asked her out anyway.  She said no.  Awkward. 
Homicide detective Cowman is not however, and his crime time had to be divided. 
He answered a call to help at a local china shop where he had his first serious 
showdown with a new villain in town known as Bullzerk.  Big, mean, red, half 
human, half bull, Bullzerk was a science experiment gone bad.  His fight went 
bad too when he accidentally bit his tongue and called the fight off, maybe to 
return again. 
The next serial victim was found a top a pile of bootlegged DVD's but Cowman's 
involvement in the investigation was again kept brief.  Near by a jug of milk 
reached it's expiry date and went bad, attacking and killing people across the 
country side until Cowman interceded and made short work of it with a blender. 
A stint of bad luck and unfortunate circumstances followed.  Cowman was bit by a 
Mad Cow...which ultimately wasn't all that bad but I mean come on, being bit by 
a cow isn't usually a good thing.  The radioactive one was an extenuating 
circumstance. He also bumped into a cow named Bessy who once licked him and 
things just got awkward.  Then to top it all off he was kidnapped by an insane 
fast food enthusiast who wanted to BBQ him as consolation for being banned from 
all major fast food chains. Another murder victim was discovered with a pair of 
3D glasses welded to his face and Cowman had to deal with a hangover from a rough 
night of hard drinking and an encounter with Bessy. 
Things took a turn though when the last serial victim was found with the word 
'FRANCHISE' stamped onto his forehead.  Stumped and frustrated, Detective Chick 
came with Cowman to The Grass Hut where she met Micheal Burkowitz and immediately 
pegged him as the mysterious serial killer they'd been hunting.  Burkowitz took 
Detective Chick hostage and after a hot pursuit and a brief battle Cowman brought 
the killer to justice, earning an even briefer moment of respect from Chick.  And 
now you know the rest of the story. 
New Cowman comics upload every Tuesday and Thursday.

1 comment:

  1. Apologies for the strange formatting. Not sure what happened there...